Fighting with the Dark (a Lishi story)

As soon as the crew returned to their palace, Lishi snuck off to her quarters and dropped the lightsaber she’d discovered on her bunk.

She took a step away from it with caution.

She shuddered at the memory of the way it felt in her hand when she’d wielded it. She'd hated that feeling.

Or... rather. She' hated the way she'd liked that feeling. Like something had pulled and drawn her to her target, reigning her fear and heightened senses into slicing her target with vicious accuracy.

The creature died instantly, and she felt something within her wither as well.

This feeling, these instincts... They reminder of what she'd felt under Lerokee's tutilage.

She always felt as if he had been keeping something from her, as if he had been afraid to fully train her. And she wondered if this had something to do with it.

She pulled the pillow off of her bunk and laid on the floor, propping her head up with the pillow as she closed her eyes. She wasn't comfortable, but she also dreaded lifting the saber from her bunk, feeling its weight in her hands once again.

----

A few weeks later, she felt that same darkness shading and coloring in her actions as she stole the life of an Imp who had already been incapacitated. There had been no point to murdering him other than the fact that he was an Imp and she felt that the world would be better off with one less of them around.

She had recovered the lightsaber of a Gungan enemy this same mission and she placed it beside the other lightsaber in a wooden box that she now kept beneath her bunk.

Her stomach knotted. Lerokee would hate this. He would hate the decisions she's making and the actions she's taking...

But, he would hate to see what the Empire is doing with their power.

Besides, maybe she would feel more in control if he had taught her how to handle these... instincts.

She could not point to another word to describe what she was experiencing. But, it wasn't the right word either.

Yes, she felt like her senses were sharper than ever, like she had some otherworldly awareness of the situation around her... But, she also felt something on the other side of this calling her, guiding her, pushing and pulling her...

She thought of water. Of how you can enact force onto the water yourself. Touching your finger to the surface and causing a ripple. But, water can enact force on you as well. A strong enough tide or currant can drag you with it, pulling you to the bottom and filling your lungs, drowning you with it if you have no way of orienting yourself and pulling yourself up.

She felt like she was drownig, just thinking about it. She began to hyperventilate, her breathing shallow, short and labored.

She heard an urgent knock on her door, but she couldn't pull herself away from her panic to respond. The door opened and Quyn and Eclipse sat beside her, trying to calm her and reassure her.

They didn't judge her for what she had done. She'd mostly been acting in self-defense, and in defense of her team. But, killing that officer tonight had crossed a line. No, they didn't judge her, but she judged herself.